Easter Activities

Easter Egg Hunt. Easter Bunny. Coloring Eggs.

I'm an Aunt

Braxton Robert Farnsworth

April 6th

7lbs 14 oz

20"

A few weeks before my sister in law Michelle was to have her baby she asked if I would come be there with her along with her mom and sister when she had the baby. I was absolutely shocked and honored that she would want me there for such an intimate and life changing moment! 

I got the call on April 6th about 8 am. They said she was almost fully dilated, having never had a baby the "normal" way I panicked thinking I would never make it in time! Turns out having a baby is quite a long process! I made it in plenty of time.

I called Cody right after he was born, Mae got on the phone and asked me where I was. I told her that I was with Michelle. She asked me if the baby was out of her tummy yet, when I said yes she screamed to Cody, "DAD THE BABY IS OUT!" Then she gets back on the phone and asks "Is it a kid or is it a baby?" 

She begged me for days to go see him, when I was finally able to take her she takes one look says "oh isn't he cute? Grandpa will you come play with me?" and out the door she went!

Michelle had high blood pressure towards the end of her pregnancy and shortly before delivering she had a developed a fever. Braxton was born and seemed to be doing well. But after taking him to the nursery to get cleaned up they noticed that his respiratory rate was a little elevated and he also had a slight fever.

The doctor came in to tell Michelle, and my heart broke for her.

There is nothing worse than hearing your child is sick.

A few days later they determined that he had a blocked intestine. It took another few days but with the help of some medication he was able to pass it without the need for surgery. They seem to think his digestive track is getting a slow start.

During this time Michelle's blood pressure continued to rise. It got really scarey. They were able to get it back down with the use of several medications. They are still watching her really closely to help her heal and get her heart back on track.

It just blows my mind the rough start that some people get. It doesn't seem fair. But I guess that's life! And I got a cute little nephew out of it! And my girls got a cousin! Its been so fun and I'm so excited for Michelle to start this crazy journey we call motherhood! Man is it a ride!

Cupcake Night

::Dippidee::

{For the love of all cupcakes this is the place!!}

They announced on their blog that they were doing a mother daughter cupcake night. I had been thinking about taking Mae out on a little date, just the two of us, since she hasn't been getting as much attention since Lydia was born and I thought that this looked like just the thing!!

We went to drop Lydia off at my friends house, we got back in the car and Mae asks me isn't Lydi coming? I said no I thought it could just be the two of us, she replied but I will miss her! Mae is just so sweet! Any jealousy is totally out weighed by how much she loves her baby sister!

We got to get our faces painted, played cupcake bingo and we got to decorate our very own cupcakes to take home. Mae was so cute and it was so fun to be able to spend a little one on one time with her again!

Cody's birthday!

March 31st 1985 Cody Royal Farnsworth was born!! 

That would make him 26 this year, he was a little bit of a bad sport, for some reason passing 25 was a little traumatic for him! But we made him celebrate anyways! We took the girls bowling and to the arcade, Mae was in heaven! And Lydia is always so good! 

Then that night we went out with our good friends Chelsi and Derek. 

I think he had an alright day!

Loving. Remembering. Honoring.

cher·ish

[cher-ish] 

–verb (used with object)

1. to hold or treat as dear; feel love for.

2. to care for tenderly; nurture: to cherish a child.

3. to cling fondly or inveterately to: to cherish a memory.

{Our Labor of Love}

 

7 years ago we lost our sweet little girl Kadence. For our full story click here. Every year around this time is a little tough.

It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.

- Rose Kennedy

Last year we decided to do a little project to immerse ourselves in doing something for someone else instead of dwelling on our loss. Check out last years project here! 
I decided last year that I wanted to do something for the families in the NICU. I feel such a connection to them. The only memories I have of Kadence are there in that hospital. And when I think of her, I remember how hard it was to be there watching her suffer. I can't help but to think of those that are enduring it now. 

This year as I was trying to come up with something to do, I mentioned to my mom that I would love to be able to make necklaces for each of the NICU moms. I came across Vintaj Natural Brass while I was making necklaces for Christmas and absolutely loved the look and quality of their products! But I knew I could never afford to make 50 necklaces to be able to donate. My mom suggested I write a letter to the company explaining my situation and what I was doing to see if they would be interested in helping. It had never occurred to me that someone would believe in me and care enough about Kadence's story to want to be involved.

Not knowing if anything would come of it, and not really expecting anything to, I decided to put it out there. And I was absolutely shocked and delighted that after a short correspondence they had decided to be a part of our project! A few weeks later a box arrived on my doorstep. I opened the box and tears immediately started streaming down my face as I realized all they had donated.
::Overwhelmed::

I was so excited to be able to start planning and designing! I had a little help from Vintaj's Idea Gallery getting ideas on how best to use the products I was given. Once I had decided on the designs, I knew it would be great to have some help!

So I enlisted all these beautiful faces!

Anyone who has made jewelry knows it a process!

Shopping, counting, shopping, metal stamping, IceResin, bead wrapping, wire cutting, and counting and shopping some more, not to even mention the assembly! It is so amazing being able to spend time together while working on a project in Kadence's memory. It felt like the perfect way to honor her!

The words we chose to stamp on the necklaces were Love & Hope.

love

[luhv] noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

–noun

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

hope

 [hohp]   noun, verb, hoped, hop·ing.

–noun

1. the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to have hope.

2. something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constant hope.

The finished product! I couldn't be happier with the way they turned out and the joy this project brought me! I can't thank Vintaj enough for their generosity, this project would not have been possible without them!

The final step before delivery!

 

Cody and I went to the hospital to deliver the pretty little packages, containing not only a necklace but our love and thoughts. 

 We have been there.

And I feel for each and every one of those families and the hardship they are enduring. It was incredibly emotional to go back. The moment the doors open and the smell hits you, you instantly return to those moments that you spent there. But it is a good feeling to hopefully bring a small measure of comfort to those going through it now. I can only hope that they get to take their little ones home.

Our Story

Cody says the the first time we met I came over and dragged him out of his house to play night games, I don't recall such a thing. But we were just kids.
When I was in 7th grade and Cody was in 9th our friendship truly began. I remember getting off the bus, our conversation not quite finished so we'd take a seat on the corner. Some days we would be there for hours before my mom would call me in for dinner, the sun starting to set. During the winter he would come over to talk and we'd sit out on the porch in the snow because I didn't want my parents eavesdropping. He became my best friend. 

Two years later I was discovering that boys were dumb, and being a teenage girl it made for a lot of drama! And here was Cody, my best friend, who had told me he was in love with me. That was a lot to take in at 15! But I realized that he was right for me, he was who I wanted! 

Our first official date was my 16th birthday. It was your classic fairytale/movie date. He picked me up with roses, we had a beautiful scenic dinner at an expensive restaurant up in the mountains. And we've been together ever since.

That next summer I found out I was pregnant. I remember sitting in the Ice Cream Shoppe, incredibly shaken, but being so impressed with the way Cody handled things. It made me love him even more. He made me a doctors appointment, got me vitamins and educated himself on what we needed to do. Determined that we were going to be alright.We were going to rise up to the occasion and do the best we possibly could. Life is sometimes unexpected, but all you can do is the best you can with what you've been given.

It was an incredibly challenging time, but I was filled with love for this man who was determined to make us a good life, optimism that it would turn out alright, and excitement to begin building a family.

We got married that October, a week before my 17th birthday, and moved into a small apartment. We both worked and I continued to work towards my high school diploma. It was such an exciting and scary time. I know we were young, and I definitely know I was not ready for what was about to be put on my shoulders. But I don't think it's something that you could ever be prepared for. You just do the best you can.

::Its a Girl!:: 

Around 29 weeks, I began to feel like something was wrong. I started getting terrible migraines and I had gained 20 lbs in about 2 weeks. I looked a little like a puffer fish! I talked to my doctor about my concerns and he treated me like I was over reacting. He did a few tests with no abnormal results. He told me I was young and inexperienced. 

I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong.

That feeling continued to grow. It's a feeling that is incredibly hard to describe, and one that I did not accurately know at the time. 

Grief

My brain did not know that something was wrong, but somehow my body did.
My heart was heavy. One night we went to the emergency room because our sweet baby hadn't been moving as much as normal. Her numbers were on the low side of normal, so they sent me home.

My next doctors appointment was a few days later. I told my doctor again that I just didn't feel right.

He was annoyed.

I remember looking over at my mom, about ready to fall apart. She stood up and told him we were not leaving. He was going to do every test they had until they could disprove my feeling. He reluctantly agreed, I'm sure only because my mom wasn't going to take no for an answer! In that moment I have never been more grateful to my mom. Here I was trying to be a grown up, but when I needed her the most she was there to stand up when I wasn't able to and make sure I got what I needed.

You know those horrible moments when you just want someone to say something and they don't? That was my ultrasound. The technician didn't make a peep. It seemed like an incredibly long time, I wanted to ask but was afraid of the answer. Then she asked me to follow her, she led us to what could only be called the bad news room. It's amazing how you can remember all the details of life changing moments like that. I can see the room clear as day. The doctor came in and said he had bad news. I hope he felt awful. (I know that's petty but, he had been quite rude) I had developed a condition called high drops. It's incredibly rare, but my body realized that my baby was sick so it started producing extra amniotic fluid to try and get the baby extra nutrients.

He told me I needed to head to the hospital to meet with a high risk specialist. My mom asked if I could wait for my husband to meet us, or go home and pick up a bag. He said no, it was urgent I get to the hospital as soon as possible. 

Cody met us there and we met with several doctors. All of them telling us the same thing: they didn't think she would make it through the night. It all becomes sort of a blur once you get that kind of news. Your mind stops paying attention and goes to the "what could I have done differently? mode"

It was 9 o'clock by the time we made it into the surgery room. Not only were all the regular doctors there, there was a whole team of people ready to administer emergency care to my little girl once she was born. As soon as she was out they whisked her away to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit. After I was stitched up they rolled me up to see her. I was in denial, I remember thinking she looks so chubby! She can't be that sick. Looking at these pictures now I realize that she was very sick.

 

Kadence Rose

January 30th 2004

6 lbs 15 oz

Within 2 days they had drained off over a pound of extra fluid. She got down to 5 lbs 13 oz. We didn't find out for about a week what had been making her so sick. She had a congenital heart defect. One of the valves in her heart wasn't closing so she wasn't able to sufficiently pump blood out to the rest of her body.

Kadence was a fighter! She was constantly pulling out her ventilation tubes, much to the astonishment of the nurses! It happened quite a lot for a baby that didn't have much control. I like to think that that was how she was able to let them know what she wanted! And sometimes they would let her keep it out for awhile. I think she just needed that break from all the machinery!

It appeared that she was making improvements, eventually they were able to take out the ventilator. It was so wonderful to be able to see her sweet little face! All of her IV's had been taken out. Now she just needed to learn how to eat. She had been getting all her meals through a feeding tube. They told us once she mastered sucking a bottle we could take her home. They thought maybe another week, maybe two.

She was 6 weeks on the day I walked into the NICU and couldn't find her. The station she had been at was empty. I was immediately panicked. Where was she?

The NICU has 2 sections, critical and stable. I ran back to the nurses station where they let me know that things had taken a bad turn. She had a staph infection. Any progress we had made seemed to be lost. She seemed sicker than she had ever been.

Later that day her cardiologist came to talk with us, and explained that she thought it would be better to move her to a hospital where she could see her everyday. So they could monitor her heart more closely. The next day they loaded her up in an ambulance to make the 45 minute drive. They asked me not to ride up with them. They explained that I would have to sit in the front with the driver and that they thought it would be too stressful for me. At the time I was so afraid to disagree with anyone, that I agreed to meet them up there. I know that I wouldn't have been able to do anything for her, but it was a big move and I feel like I should have been there to support her.

The next 4 weeks were the most difficult of her short little life. They did things so much differently at this hospital, and it was very hard to adjust. It felt like things were never stable after that. They were constantly changing.

My whole life was Kadence at that point. I spent every day up at the hospital with her. I wanted to know what was happening and the reason for what they were doing. I didn't want her to have to go through it alone. One day we had a nurse that seemed extremely put out that I had been sitting there reading all morning. She went as far as to tell me that I was in her way by being there.

I really grew up in that moment. I felt I needed to be there and I wasn't going to let anyone tell me differently. 

Kadence continued to amaze us. One day the nurse rolled up a blanket and tucked it up under her legs. She wiggled and kicked until it had come out from under her. I noticed it was out so I rolled it back up and replaced it. A moment later I noticed it had come displaced again so again I replaced it. I watched as once again she kicked and kicked until it was out from under her. This time I left it alone and she drifted right off to sleep. She knew what she wanted. 

One day she worked her ventilator loose again and they let her keep it out for the day. The look of relief on her face was overwhelming. 

I would always get a little smile or a squeeze of the hand in the few moments she would be awake between doses of medicine. I think I clung to those moments because when I look back at the pictures and see the pain on her face, I don't think I could have handled recognizing what agony she was in. It breaks my heart to look at those pictures now and realize how much she suffered.

We clung to the hope that she would start to heal. But she wasn't making any progress. They told us that they thought the only solution was heart surgery. We were so torn. She was so tiny and fragile, we didn't want her to go through that. But watching her struggle everyday for the tiniest improvements without much success wasn't getting us anywhere. Cody felt we should hold out a little longer,but after talking to all the doctors I was ready. I felt like this was it. This was going to make her better. 

We met with the best pediatric cardiac surgeon in our state. We did not like him. But he was the best.

That same day we had quite a few people up to see Kadence, and some of our family members gave her a blessing. It was an incredible day, one that I didn't really appreciate until later. Kadence was more alert than she had been in quite some time. But she didn't want to pay any attention to any of the people there vying for her attention. She kept looking up to this blank stretch of wall to the side of her and slightly above. I know there was a higher power there, telling her to hang on, she could do it. She didn't have to suffer much longer. And she seemed at peace. That was a few days before her surgery.

We arrived at the hospital really early that day so that we'd be able to spend some time with her before she went into surgery. I wasn't at all worried. I didn't doubt that things were going to be alright. Like I said before, I thought that this was it! She was in surgery for hours, the nurse kept coming out to keep us informed. They first tried to fix the valve, but that didn't work. They ended up having to put a mechanical one in. She came back out in the late afternoon to tell us that all had gone well and that we could head down to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit to see her in just a few minutes. 

I cannot describe to you how overwhelming seeing her like that was. This little tiny baby, just over 8 lbs at this point, was in the very center of this large room filled with all sorts of machines doing who knows what to keep her alive. We sat with her for a couple of hours, several of her doctors came in and commented that they couldn't believe how good she was doing for all that she had been through that day.

I was holding her hand and all of a sudden I felt a tiny little squeeze, she peeked up at her daddy and gave him a little smile before drifting back off to sleep.

They told us how amazing that was with all the medication she was on, she shouldn't have been able to do that for a few days. 

After being assured that all was well, we went out to see some relatives of ours that we also in the same hospital. We came back probably a half hour later to a devastating reality. The nurse rushed out to keep us away as we neared the room. The doctors were all there but, she was already gone.

That little squeeze and smile were goodbye.

I don't remember much about the next couple days or weeks. 

Her service was beautiful, but tragic. I had never imagined that things would turn out this way. It had never crossed my mind that we could lose her. I don't know if I was young and naive or maybe I just wouldn't have been able to survive those 10 weeks if I even thought about such a loss.

I don't like to show weakness. So I pretended that I was doing alright. I started massage school, we moved and seemed to be doing great a few months later. But I was in personal turmoil. It was impossible to function. I felt like  people must see me coming apart at the seems. It was hard for me to have a conversation at times. I felt like I was disconnecting and it made it hard to relate and speak with people. I felt isolated. And I can't accurately describe how I didn't even feel present in my own body. It was probably about a year and a half later that I finally started to grieve, when I started to think about Kadence I stopped shutting it down and let myself feel the pain and agony. It was so hard, but I couldn't pretend any longer that it hadn't happened. She is such a part of me, I love her so much and I didn't want it to all be so negative. Because she is a blessing and I have to be grateful that at least I got 10 weeks to get to know her. And I want to be able to remember HER in a positive and happy way.

She would have been almost 2 when I found out I was pregnant again. I was extremely nervous, but also excited. But at 6 weeks I lost the baby. The doctor said it was common, but it was still devastating.

A few months later we found out we were pregnant again. It was amazing what a peaceful feeling came over me. From the beginning I just knew that everything with this little one was going to be alright. 10 months later...

Evie Mae

I remember holding my breath after she was born just waiting for someone to tell me that she was going to be ok. 

We couldn't have had a healthier baby!

The summer before Mae turned 3 we decided she was ready for a sibling. Not long after we found out we were expecting. For some reason I was so nervous. I was so anxious. I believed that I just wasn't being blessed with that overwhelming calm again because we had been given a healthy child. My fears had been disproved, so I tried to push it aside. 

At my 8 week appointment all was looking great. At my 12 week appointment we found out I had miscarried.

My doctor told me that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant for a couple months, so imagine my surprise to find out that 2 months later I had gotten pregnant! I was so confused, I was excited but terrified. I wasn't sure I was ready. I knew I couldn't handle another loss.

I didn't have that overwhelming feeling of grief like I had had previously, still, my mind was full of anxiety. But everything seemed healthy.

In September we welcomed to the family

Lydia Jane

She was just as chubby and healthy as could be!

The girls are absolutely amazing!

Mae is so smart and clever. She is always out for the shock factor! She amazes me every day with things she does and says. It has been incredible seeing her as a big sister, she is so devoted and loving!

Lydia is so sweet and mellow. I have never seen a baby that is so happy and content!

We had such a rough start to our lives together, but I can truly say we are incredibly blessed! I still wish that I could change what happened, I still wonder if I should have done things different. And at times it is still incredibly painful, I think it always will be, but now I can see that she is in a better place. She wouldn't have been able to have a normal life, and I'm glad that she doesn't have to suffer anymore.

I'm so grateful for a husband who has stood by me through it all and our sweet girls who are my whole life! its super corny but I kind of feel like the Shania Twain song:

{You're still the one}

We're still going strong!

Snowman!

 Cute little bug waiting to go out, she was so excited!

 Mae creating a snow angel!

 Cody getting in on the snow angels!

The finished product! It was so sad, it got warm later in the day and Frosty took a tumble, Mae looked out the window and saw he had gone down and she was so sad!

Christmas

This  year we heard of a little something called Elf on the Shelf, Santa sent us our very own elf to watch over us and report back to the North Pole if we were naughty or nice! When our little elf arrived in the mail we were told to name her. So we asked Mae what she would like to name her. We started making suggestions which were all immediately shut down, then she shouts out how about Lou Lou La La! So Lou Lou La La it is! Every night she would fly back to the north pole and report to the big man how we had been, then in the morning we would have to search for her to see where we had landed to watch us for the day! It turned out to be a really fun thing that Mae was so excited about! Lou Lou had to go back to the North Pole after Christmas to prepare for next year, but hopefully next December we'll get to have her visit again!

Every year my Grandpa does Grandma's Cookie bake. She has done this ever since we were little, we would stay up late making cookies and watching Christmas movies. It is such a fun tradition that I remember so fondly as a child! This pack has grown quite a bit since I was little, but she continues to put it on every year! My grandma spends days preparing, we each get a huge plate full of cookies to decorate. I believe she said she has to make over 400 cookies! Can you imagine! I'm so thankful that she continues to do it though! It is so much fun, for me and for my girls!

Everyone decorating their cookies! Mae didn't sit down for long! She was more interested in eating the cookies and chasing the other kids around!

Little Lydia & Leah! Born 12 days apart! It is so fun to get them together, they are so intrigued with each other! And can you believe that Leah was almost 2 pounds smaller than Lydia at birth! She is catching right up!

All the little ones!

 Here are a few pictures of our Christmas decorations, I hope to vamp up my tree a little next year, after going to the Festival of Trees I got a lot of really fun ideas! Most of you know that when I was just little my grandparents started a tradition of giving me a snowglobe every Christmas, which they still continue to do! I always felt like I had such a special bond with them and I think it is so sweet that they have continued the tradition! I now have 23 snowglobes! Its always such fun to get them out and see all the different scenes. Mae is incredibly interested in them! And this year my mom got Mae one of her very own!

 Christmas eve we usually spend at my Grandparents house. They do an ugly sweat party, unfortunately this year I just didn't have it in me to search out some crazy sweaters, so we didn't participate but its pretty fun seeing everyones ugly sweaters! We always do white elephant as well, we ended up with some wonderful treasures! A unicorn poster, a butterfly pillow, and a lovely family photo! We were always so close growing up, and we don't see each other as much these days so its always fun to get together!

Christmas morning we woke up to find that Santa had found us! Mae was so incredibly sweet! She was more worried that Santa had found Lydia than herself. She wanted to open all of Lydia's presents and show them to her before touching any of her own gifts!

 She was so excited about every little thing she got! We asked her after she has finished opening what her favorite thing was and she said "I love everything!" I love that she is such a grateful child! She thinks she needs everything she sees, but she is always so gracious about what she gets!

We spend Christmas day with both our families, we opened gifts, had wonderful food and great company! We had a wonderful holiday season! I am so grateful for such great family and friends!

My Crafty Christmas

 For Christmas this year I decided to get crafty! Above is a pic of the candy dishes my aunt, mom and I made for neighbor gifts!

 These are the necklaces I made for my mom & sister, I made another one as well but forgot to snap a picture before wrapping it all up!

 And these are the cake stands I put together for my in-laws!

It was pretty fun putting things together! It was nice putting thought into picking things out and making them. Hopefully everyone liked them, but if not at least they were made with love!

The Kura Door

After having Lydia I was hoping to be able to stay home through Christmas before returning to work. But unfortunately Cody's work was not as busy as we would have hoped. I debated back and forth about what I should do. I didn't feel ready, mentally or physically. But we really could use the money. I was undecided, but just browsing some job listing to see what was out there. 

I had heard of The Kura Door, a holistic Japanese spa with a wonderful reputation. A serene atmosphere, an incredible company to work for. So I went ahead and sent in my resume, with the thought if it works out I'm meant to work. I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, and if things work out they are meant to be. So if I was meant to go back to work I would get the dream job. A few days later I get a phone call from the manager of The Kura Door, it turns out I used to work with her at Breathe. She said she was so sorry but the job had been posted 2 weeks ago, they had received a ton of resumes and the position had already been filled. I just told her to please keep me in mind if she had anything come up. 

One week later she called and said she had one day a week opening up, would I be interested?

Perfect

So I started working the last week of November. I can't tell you how blessed I feel to have been hired at such an incredible place. It really appears to be the dream job! They have created a community. It is such an incredible environment and I feel so lucky to be a part of such a wonderful company.

During the holidays I was asked to pick up quite a few shifts, it is incredible when your treated well, how much more you want to help!Starting this next week I will be on the schedule 2 days a week. I won't lie, it has definitely been a challenge adjusting to 2 kids and working but I'm so grateful for this oppurtunity!
So if you're in need of a massage come see me at my new home!